Hi reader, this is my post in 3 years because I got busy with life. You see, I figured that I don’t get to post blogs when I’m sad. I know you also thought that way. The thing is, I’m fine that’s why I don’t have time to be dramatic and also because I’m working on spending my lifetime with someone. I found my person already.
To: 3 years ago self
From: 3 years later self
The picture above was taken last September 2014, nothing much has changed on my physical self except from my delusional ideal that I have at least grown an inch taller…and yeah, I have also gained weight. I still get confusions whether to take that as a good thing or not because I have always been skinny, and now, I am starting to actually gain a considerable amount of weight enough for my face to get noticeably bulgy. I don’t know, there is this habit that when you start to notice an imperfection on yourself, you shove it off to people’s faces until they don’t notice anymore…or they do, all the more. Anyway, science says that as women get older, their metabolism starts to slow down making it hard for them to burn fats and lose weight. (But really, fats? Just on my face?!) -_-I am writing this blog journal two hours before my birthday! I am turning 20 in a few. Goodbye teenage years! I am going to miss you so bad. One day, I am just going to tell my children about our adventures and misadventures and how we made it sure that we would not have any regrets for all the things that we have experienced…all the good and the bad. LOL. Going back to the weight thingy, and connecting it to the make-sure-no-regrets-drama, I just have to tell that I know, as I grow old, everything would be as different as they could be especially one’s physical features. We would all grow past our cutesy stage wherein we always admire our faces whenever we take selfies and would curse ourselves instead because of how bad our eyebags currently look like. We would grow into much of a diet freak because we will all be health and body conscious as years add up to our age.
However, we have to consider that beauty supersedes physical things. With age comes wisdom and by the time that we are already seeing the inevitability of our declining physical features, we must be thinking of the more important worries that we must face—how we can show love and kindness to others. Antoine De Saint-Exupery’s famous Little Prince quote will finally unfold its meaning to us — “..what is essential is invisible to the naked eye.”
Things had been going okay for both of us. We saw each other a day before that day when my mom told me to stop going out for occasional leisure. I did not know by then that it would be the last time we’d be seeing each other.
I knew him through a not so acceptable platform or means to meet someone—atleast in our society. They say that people should avoid talking to strangers and if it can’t be helped, be sure to quickly escape their way out of the situation. The thing is completely opposite of what I have done for that three months’ time. I was longing to meet someone new and the internet had been the reason for us to cross paths. We instantly felt interested towards each other. We would chat literally until sunrise. “Hellos” turned into “what are you doing?”, “have you eaten yet?”, “let’s meet”, “text me as soon as you get home”, “ I enjoyed today”, “I want us to meet again” I like you” and, “I love you”… in a month.
I know everything was too short, too superficial, and too fake to have occurred. But it felt right and wonderful. I managed to work us out and he did too. He lived 3 hrs travel time away from my city, we would meet halfway, and he would constantly accompany me to my place.
It was fine. I enjoyed every moment that I had with him, until one day, I could not bear my torturing thoughts anymore. I was afraid, that we were like a trail of sparks that will eventually fade into nothingness—that he would one day tell me that it was all mere excitement and not true feelings.
I broke up with him.
He did not stop me.
I knew he did not love me.
Right there and then, I wish I could take back those three words that I have said because I know, I did not love him either.
This blog will be filled with travel ideas and photos in no time.
She’d make it happen and she will surely take pictures of her face much happier than the picture above as she get to experience the unfathomable joy of seeing the wonders of nature. She’s going to beautiful places, she will.
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